


Dabble Me Dead: A Collection of Devil May Cry 5 Shorts

by Skvader



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Blind Character, Devil May Cry (Game), F/M, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Other, Post-Devil May Cry 5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-01-15 08:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21250241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skvader/pseuds/Skvader
Summary: A collection of Dabbles from the popular 150 Dabble Challange on Tumblr. They are numbered for the corresponding dabble number on the list that can be found on my profile page here on AO3. Contains good times and fluff. Sometimes things come out of left field in the best possible way.





	1. 1. The Skirt is Supposed to be this Short

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShahKiertai (aboxfullofocs)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aboxfullofocs/gifts), [Cheesysquid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheesysquid/gifts).

The boutique was dimly lit, save for the omnidirectional lights that hung down from the ceiling over each of the framed floor to ceiling mirrors that lined either side of the hallway. The passthrough was T shaped. On one end of the hallway where the dressing rooms; on the other were the bathrooms. And in between were the mirrors in all their reflective splendor, framing the hall on either side of the space in such a way that it seemed to be twice the size that it was. In the very center of the cross-section of glass, walls, frames, and light was a large mirror with a golden frame that looked like something you’d find in an old Parisian museum. And before it stood a young woman.

In each of her respective hands, she gripped a side of a lacy miniskirt. The ash, azure, and Ivory lace cascaded in tiny waves towards her upper thigh, ending about halfway above her knees. She gently tugged it downwards as she swayed to and fro, pivoting back and forth as she bounced from the balls of her heel to the tips of her toes. The fabric felt luxurious and delicate as it enveloped her in a comfortable warmth that she appreciated more than the average person was likely to. Her perception of the garment ended at its texture, for as beautiful as her eyes were, they did not serve their biological function. But she did not need to see an item to appreciate it.

"Is the skirt to your liking?"

She turned in the direction of his voice, a warm smile spreading across her lips and she drank in the sound of his voice. That was one sound she would never grow tired of. "It feels wonderful, V. It's quite... airy." She hesitated for a moment, clearly deep in thought. "It's relatively short though, don't you think?" She tugged on the garment for emphasis.

V removed himself from the adjacent wall and came to her side, leaning over her shoulder under the guise of getting a better look at her. The young woman was petite and barely came up to his chest, but he didn't need to get this close to her to pass judgment on the outfit. "I cannot say. That's rather subjective and, historically, I have not been the best judge of attire." He took her left hand into his, loosening her death grip on the delicate cloth. There was no need to crinkle it any further. "The more important thing to consider is how it makes you feel. After all, you are the one who will be wearing it."

She nodded, considering his words. "You do not think the length is problematic then?"

V smirked and stood up straight, placing a gentle kiss on the crown of her head as he readjusted his posture. She could feel the smirk on his lips as he did so. "The skirt is supposed to be this short."

She smiled and shook her head, closing her eyes as a soft giggle escaped her lips. Oh, that's why he liked the skirt so much. Truly, he was the absolute worst. But his wickedness was something she had come to cherish. He never ceased to entertain her. "Alright then, I'll keep the skirt." She pulled her hand from his tenderly as she ghosted past him and headed towards the exit. "But do not make the mistake of thinking that just because I cannot see you that I do not know exactly where your eyes are."

V's smirk deepened as he came to her side. "Oh, I assure you, my love, my gaze has no reason to wander. I have eyes for nothing else."


	2. 110. "Quit stalling. Where's your father?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life of the Sparda family, back before everything went horribly wrong. Well, more wrong than normal, at least.

In hindsight, she had been terribly foolish.

Relinquishing control for even a moment seemed to always end in disaster. This outcome was nothing new. What made it all the more infuriating was that this had not been caused by carelessness or a momentary lapse of judgment, but had been willfully orchestrated by the individual that was supposed to be taking charge of this situation. Devils truly did thrive off of chaos, especially one of this caliber. But how could an individual be so prim and proper yet still manage to breed such an extreme level of anarchy in such short order?

Why, by being Sparda, of course.

The twins stood before her in various degrees of disarray. Vergil opted to look in any direction but directly at her with his hands behind his back while Dante stood next to him and tried his very best to act like a sweet little angel, despite the fact that he was currently covered in what she hoped was red paint, but was more than certain was actually blood due to the fact that it gave off a coppery smell and that this was her youngest son after all. But both of the children were in better condition than the room they stood in the doorway of, attempting to block the matriarch of the family's entry.

Behind them, Eva could make out a split in half coffee table, stuffing from the couch and its decorative pillows tossed about, and what seemed to be the end table laying on its side with its accompanying lamp laying shattered on the floor next to it. And... was that broken glass obscured by the drapes hanging from a broken wall rod?! Never in her entire life had she seen her children wreak such havoc. Were they wild? Call the term a "vast understatement." Did they normally shred the household furniture? Absolutely not. They saved their destructive tendencies for the playground equipment outside. And each other. And Vergil's books if Dante was in a bad mood. And then Dante's toys if his older twin found out about the books...

But the furniture was something else entirely. Sure the children might like to terrorize one another, but neither one of them wanted to invoke the wrath of their parents. After all, their father was an all-powerful demonic dark knight, and their mother was practically a force of nature. What few plans that had required that they make it to adulthood, and destroying the house wasn't going to further that goal. Something else was going on here...

Eva folded her arms behind her back and clasped her fingers together, leaning in to look her children in the eyes as she spoke to them. Her voice was clear and stern, but she took careful steps to contain her emotions. Her anger was not aimed at them. "Quit stalling. Where's your father?"

Dante shrugged nebulously at the question, trying to play off his obvious involvement. Vergil shifted uncomfortably, looking down and not saying anything. Eva squinted at them disapprovingly. They weren't so much lying to her as they were refusing to answer. She wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing, to be honest. She gestured to the decimated living room with a nod of her head. "I see the living room, boys. Since neither of you seems to want to tell me what happened here, perhaps you missing father will be of greater use to me?"

The two young boys turned as pale as the crown of white hair on their heads and visibly panicked, clearly unsure of what to do. Vergil was keeping extraordinarily quiet, folding so far into himself that it was a wonder he hadn't turned inside out. Dante looked as though he were going to say something until Vergil shook his head at him and turned to their mother. She was clearly over this charade. "I don't think father would like it if we told you what happened, mother..."

Eva had to restrain herself from giving him a wide-eyed "you don't say" stare. "Oh, I'm certain he wouldn't. But I still need an explanation for what happened." She looked him firmly in the eyes as she spoke" An honest answer, Vergil."

Vergil sighed and shook his head as if resigning himself to the grave. So much for his adulthood plans. "Well-"

Before the young boy could finish speaking, what was left of the large damaged living room window shattered into thousands of tiny shards of glass and the drapes attached to them shredded as they fell to the ground with a heavy thud. The remains of what had been a towering demon came crashing through the window, shaking the house from the sheer weight of the impact. Part of the creature crashed through part of the roof, carving a deep, wide gash through the ceiling as it settled next to the rest of the carcass. Blood seeped out of the wretched creature and into the floorboards, irreparably staining them crimson. A tall white-haired figure in a purple overcoat stepped from around the corner of the beast, cleaning off the blade of Yamato with its scabbard. Upon noticing Eva, he stopped dead in his tracks, clearly caught dead in the act.

"Ah... hello dear. It seems I might have brought my work home with me while you were away shopping." He looked up at the massive gaping hole in the roof and sighed, clearly aware that he was living on borrowed time. "It appears we will need to redecorate... and hire a woodworker."

Dante pointed at the broken window, a slightly amused look on his face. "You broke the window, too. And the wall. And the roof! The whole house is broken!"

Vergil snickered briefly under his breath. "Father, I believe we need a new house. Dante is right. The house has been crippled."

Sparda stared blankly at his two sons. They were trying to get him killed to spare themselves, weren't they? The tactician in him was slightly amused, but he was too anxious about his wife's expressionless stare to give it much thought. "Eva, my dear, you look pale... Perhaps you should take a seat and catch-"

Eva started to laugh hysterically. "Seat?! There is no couch, Sparda!"

Against their better judgment, the twins started to laugh as well, albeit from amusement instead of fury. Sparda stared at the three of them, convinced that his immortal life was at an end. Eva nearly laughed herself to the floor as she reached over and grabbed the doorway for support. She turned towards the hall and started down it, absolutely over her limit for one day. This was a lot to process, even for the woman who had married the Dark Knight Sparda. "Sparda, get rid of that thing and fix this mess. Dante, be a dear and clean yourself up. And Vergil..."

Vergil peered at his mother blankly, the only thing in the room that wasn't a mess at that moment in time. "Yes, mother?"

"Remain as you are. You may be the only clean thing left in this wing of the house."

With that, Eva vacated the room. It wasn't even past noon yet, and she was already ready to crawl back into bed and stay there. Sparda had better hope the upper floor master suite was still intact.


	3. 51. I'm your husband. It's my job.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Eva and Sparda wanted to do was spend Valentines Day picking out a few plants to spruce up the yard. So naturally that couldn't go as planned. If there is one universal constant in the Sparda family it's that no one can just have a nice day out on the town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is for by good friend squiddywritesstuffs! Thanks for all the wonderful ideas and art!

Ever since Eva had moved into Sparda's lovely countryside estate on the outskirts of Redgrave City, the two of them had made plans to renovate. They wanted their home to reflect both of their individual styles, interests, and personalities, and what better way to do that then to make a few changes around the house? Sparda had been encouraging her to make the place her own for a while, so she decided she'd start with the garden. And by "start with the garden" she meant "plant one in the first place because all the yard had in it was some reasonable well kept shrubs cypress trees."

Which was how Sparda, the all-powerful Legendary Dark Knight, and savior of mankind, ended up at a quaint plant nursery run by an elderly couple with his pregnant wife watching her fawn over Begonias and Foxglove flowers. Eva seemed to have a telepathic ability to locate places to take her husband that made him seem even more eccentric and out of place than he normally did, and if the number of heads the couple was turning were anything to go by, then she had outdone herself today.

But if this was what his darling wife wanted to do for Valentine's Day, he wasn't complaining. 

Admittedly, Sparda wasn't terribly upset about the concept of being around large groups of people or shopping for flowers. That would be silly of him. After all, he had spent centuries carefully blending into polite human society; schmoozing with royalty and regular people alike. This was far from the most out of place and the uncomfortable thing he had ever done. No, the thing that had Sparda eager to return to their home was the evergrowing sensation that something was very wrong about this place. He couldn't quite place his finger on it, but something about this place set his sixth sense alight.

"Oh, these are lovely, don't you think, dear?" Eva giggled happily and held up a pot so that Sparda could take a better look. He spared the plant a glance, not so much disinterested as he was lost in thought. The Dark Knight trusted his wife's taste and decision making skills. "Yes, they are quite nice, darling. Would you like them?"

She nodded with a happy smile as Sparda gestured with a tilt of his head towards the back of the greenhouse. "If you would excuse me for just a moment, I need to attend to something. I won't take long."

Eva raised an eyebrow suspiciously, more than a little sure her husband was up to something. Then again, Sparda was normally up to something. "Ok, I'll be looking at the topsoil in the meantime."

Sparda nodded and headed towards the back of the greenhouse, following what could only be described as a mounting sense of trepidation. The closer he got to the back offices, the more he got the sense that something sinister was going on here. He came to a stop directly in front of the back office door and closed his eyes for a moment. He could sense something familiar on the other side. At that point, it was decided: going to find out what was going on in this place.

In a movement too swift for human eyes to follow, Sparda dashed through the closed door. He found it almost suspicious that the door was unlocked and didn't have an alarm but, to be fair, he opened the door too quickly for it to trigger anyway. Behind the door was a set of stairs which he followed down into a not at all suspicious-looking cavern. The stairs seemed to go on forever, descending downward in an endless spiral. A sweet, floral scent wafted upwards from the almost pitch-black depths. Sparda would have assumed that they were storing plants down here if it wasn't so dark and the smell wasn't so incredibly strong. Even his inhumanly good sense of smell couldn't explain the overwhelming scent.

When he finally rounded the corner, he stopped dead in his tracks. Before the Dark Knight was a cavern about the size of a modest corner store filled to the brim with leafy looking pods about two feet tall. A warm breeze blew in from the far end of the dark cave, almost as though some unseen force had just exhaled. Sparda stared blankly at the room full of demon spawn, having a silent panic attack. Was fighting several hundred demon parasites an issue for the Dark Knight? Absolutely not. Was his heavily pregnant wife directly above this chasm of hellish horror plants? Unfortunately yes.

He needed to get Eva out of here immediately.

\---

Eva had never realized how many different forms of substrate there were until now. And how confusing they were, at that. Textures, moisture levels, pest repelling properties, nutrients, and plant type compatibility were just a few things that had started to give her a headache. She had been trying to pick between two of the woodchip options when Sparda seemingly materialized out of nowhere, startling her. "Oh- where did you come from? And how does that still manage to startle me?"

Sparda craned his neck slightly to the side before leaning in to give her a gentle hug around the waist and a soft kiss on the top of her head. He then released her and produced a large bouquet of blue and red flowers from behind his back, much to her perplexment. Eva smiled in pleasant confusion. "You bought me a bouquet flowers? Aw, thank you! But dear, we just bought a whole garden full of flowers!" 

Eva giggled contently as he handed her the flowers. Sparda leaned back and watched her quite literally smell the roses before leaning in to hug her again. She giggled as he kissed her cheek before he leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Darling, it has come to my attention that you and the little ones may be in grave danger here. I think it may be best if we leave now before something... unpleasant occurs."

The lovely blond woman did a double-take at the casual way that her husband made this comment. For a second she considered stating that he was being ridiculous and reminding him that they were in a plant nursery. The only dangerous thing here was pesticide and pollen. But then she remembered that she was married to one of the most powerful demons in existence and that being cautious to the point of paranoid overreaction had kept him alive for over two-thousand years. It was probably best she take his word for it and they go elsewhere.

Eva nodded in agreement. "Maybe we can go down to the lake for a picknick instead?"

As if to answer her, the entire greenhouse suddenly started to tremble. Any thought that this could possibly be an earthquake was quickly debunked as a monstrous roar echoed up from the bowels of the earth and a colossal serpentine demon came blasting out of the ground behind the building adjacent to the parking lot. The inhuman beast screamed Sparda's name with such raw power that some of the windows in the greenhouse cracked. Eva closed her eyes and shook her head towards the ground as everyone in the building started to scream and run for the exit, some people knocking over tables and breaking windows to climb out of as they ran. Sparda could feel the curse words that she was suppressing. "Darling Eva, I would probably be best if-"

"I'll wait in the car, dear," Eva said knowingly. "try not to track too much blood back this time?"

The demon roared Sparda's name again, this time somehow even more angrily. Sparda shook his head and materialized Yamato from it's hiding place. He unsheathed the blade and swung it twice, making an X in the air. A portal back to their home opened before them. Sparda gently pushed his wife by her lower back towards the portal, glancing back at the screaming behemoth. "I think not. I'll be along in a moment, Eva. You are not safe here and I cannot except that. That is my paramount concern."

Eva looked at the demon worriedly. To say it was large would be an understatement. "Alright just... be careful. Don't keep me waiting too long and make me worry about you!"

Sparda nodded and gave her a reassuring look. "I'm your husband. It's my job." he kissed her gently and then turned back to the portal. With an almost wicked smirk, Sparda placed his hand on her back and nearly launched her through the portal. She yelped and went flying through the opening. "Oh, and Happy Valentine's day, darling!"

"Sparda you piece of-" Eva started. Sparda closed the portal again before she could finish the barrage of insults she know she was about to hurl in his direction. She would have plenty of time to verbally murder him when he got home. And he most certainly was coming home. He had far too much to look forward to not to.

Sparda unsheathed Yamato and turned towards the serpent, stretching. After killing the Echidna demon, he would need to take care of its nest. It had been a while since the Dark Knight had participated in a decent battle. This was going to be fun.


End file.
